For the last few weeks, I've not slept well. I've mentioned to several that something has me anxious. I'm nervous, I'm tense, I'm unsettled. Our country has erupted in racial tension and massive uproar and I feel a major shift in the way I see people and the way others see me. So for weeks, I've been unsettled and anxious and sleep won't come.
As I've watched the country battle racism, battle injustices, march in the streets, stand up for rights, I've been left in this surreal place, trying to figure out what my purpose is in all of this. What do I really WANT from these businesses, from my allies, from my circles? What does support, genuine and true look and feel like to me? What do I want to do to continue to push equality forward? What is my role in all of this?
I often speak about finding your lane. Your space, your focus, where you want to spend your energy. There is so much mess to choose from, you need only choose ONE thing, and go to work. I've always thought I knew what that lane was. But recently I've had to do some serious soul searching.
My son (pictured here) marched the streets. When people would share his photos I would feel a strong sense of pride and fear simultaneously. I want him to be proud of who he is, but I am doing my best to raise him with morals and respect, with dignity and authenticity that is so very hard to navigate when you are young in this world. It is difficult no matter what page of your life you are on. Figuring out your why is a lifelong journey and wanting to know what you are here to do is something most want to answer. Read books to answer. Attend seminars to answer. Hire coaches to answer. So as a coach, I want to be certain that I am walking in the same truth I ask others to walk in. As a mother, I want my children to know WHY
the world is the way it is and what they can do to be the change they want to see. But that walk is theirs and theirs alone. I understand I can guide, but it is up to them to be accountable for how they choose to show up.
So, like many of you, I am struggling to figure all of this out but I know that this should be a personal journey of self-discovery and self-love. To challenge yourself to get uncomfortable with who you thought you were. Try not to be so influenced by the masses that you forget your authentic voice. Nor so concerned with being seen that you are only caring about change when there is a spotlight. Don't do this for a platform or an audience. That's it. That is the message. The reason behind this blog. Please, check your heart. WHY are you marching, why are you pushing for change, WHAT is the outcome we want from this, and what is YOUR part in this? What kind of an ally do you want to be? What kind of person are you going to be going forward? There is a part that you play. Don't make it about what everyone else is doing. Make it about what YOU can do.
This, for me, is personal and I don't want to do anything that doesn't come from my heart and change some hearts.
So let's just decide to be intentional, be genuine, stay focused, and know that anything we do, especially if it is done in love, with a clear mind and a sound heart can change this world and transform generations to come.
I'm in it for the long haul? Are you?